the agony and the ecstasy

03Jan06

[…]

Suddenly he feels a tinge of life fight it’s way through the freeze. A simple warm feeling that came from nowhere without reason. A drop of water from his frozen pleasure center. Then another drop and another as the depressive glaciers begin their spring thaw. Thoughts and pleasurable feelings begin to once again flow freely. A sense of well being begins to sprout out of some previously buried seed. The mental freeze slowly gives way to the warmth of life. It is the agony and the ecstasy of living. Glaciers becoming mountain lakes and their tributaries. Memories and thoughts all in their prospective places. However, he realizes that he is no longer what he was. The crevices created by the emotional glaciers are much deeper than before. They are now full of the cold clear water that once was the ice from which there was no escape. Emotional lakes full of the knowledge that life holds no guarantees. Waters so deep and dark that hold the memories of the emotional death and despair through which he has just emerged. He never swims in these lakes but never forgets them. Their depths are always with him. The only way he can avoid diving in and drowning is to live life to it’s fullest. Painful memories of the never-ending despair are transformed into empathy and compassion for the living. He realizes that he is deeper and wiser than before. Life’s little hassles are put in their proper perspective. For he realizes that feeling life’s hassles is being alive. He welcomes the challenges of life and all the living that they provide. No longer does life seem so hard to live when compared to not being able to be alive at all.

But deep in the dark cold crevices of his mind is the constant reminder that another ice age could be cast upon him. His only alternative is to live life to its fullest every day. For he knows that there are no guarantees that his sun will shine tomorrow.



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